How Do I Live
by SherbetKitty
Summary: Songfic to the song of the same name. ADMM. Oneshot. After HBP. First person POV. Read and review!


Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the song. Characters belong to J.K. Rowling and song is sung by Trisha Yearwood and Leanne Rimes.

A/N I love this song! This is my first first person POV, so I hope you like it!

How Do I live

I stared into the mirror, blinking at my reflection. I wasn't surprised at the redness of

my usually pale cheeks, at the puffyness of my green eyes. You used to love the colour of my eyes. You said that you could always tell my feelings and emotions just by looking into that deep pool of green.

I muttered a little spell and waved my wand so that my eyelids returned to their normal size and so that I didn't look so weary. I was strong in public. I needed to be strong for my Gryffindors. I needed to be strong for Hogwarts. I needed to be strong for the wizarding world. Just like you were. And yet I, Minerva McGonagall-Dumbledore, am crying.

_How do I get through one night without you_

_If I had to live without you_

_What kind of life would that be?_

I was expected to be brave, and I was. Only on the outside.Throughout my years of teaching, I learned how to cover up my feelings and expressions. I used that talent to cover up the grief that burned inside me. Yes, I was brave on the outside. On the inside, my world had collapsed. On the inside, I felt dead. On the inside, everything was horribly blank. I mourned for you, my love. I mourned for the life you had that was cut off so abruptly.

_Oh I, I need you in my arms, need you to hold _

_You're my world, my heart, my soul_

_If you ever leave_

_Baby you would take away everything good in my life_

_And tell me now_

Hogwarts feels so empty without you. How I miss you. I miss your smile. I miss your laugh. I miss the way you would handle every situation in that annoyingly calm way. I miss your crazyness. I miss the way you held me at night. I miss the chocolate and Sherbet Lemon taste of your lips, it depended on which one you ate last.

_How do I live without you?_

_I want to know_

_How do I live without you_

_If you ever go?_

_How do I ever, ever survive?_

_How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?_

But I will always treasure forever each and every memory we shared together. I remember when you took me to Rome, in Italy, for my birthday. We had a spaghetti dinner. It was romantic. We danced together under the moonlight. It was wonderful. I also remember when we first became parents. I shall never forget the look of pride and joy on your face when you held our daughter for the first time. You were so caring towards us. You were so proud and excited. And even more when she became a Healer at St Mungos.

_Without you_

_There'd be no sun in my sky_

_There would be no love in my life_

_There'd be no world left for me_

You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me, did you know? Yes, I suppose you did. I always did wonder why you chose me. You could've had any other woman, but you chose me. I never really deserved you. You told me the opposite. Sometimes at night, we would cuddle up against each other, and you would whisper how much you loved me in my ear.

_And I_

_Baby I don't know what I would do_

_I would be lost if I lost you_

_If you ever leave_

_Baby you would take away everything real in my life_

And I lay awake at night, occasionally allowing a tear to slip onto the sheets. This office shouldn't be mine. Your portrait shouldn't be on the wall. I shouldn't be lying here, alone. I need you. How do I live? How am I supposed to? I want you to hold me. To caress me. To comfort me. Just to be there.

_How do I live without you? _

_I want to know_

_How do I live without you_

_If you ever go?_

_How do I ever, ever survive?_

_How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?_

I remember sitting at your funeral. Minister Scrimgeour attended. I wasn't really sure if it was because he also respected you or if it was because he had to make an appearance at a great wizard's funeral. I'm leaning towards the latter. And also, Dolores Umbridge came. I was furious. I was quite tempted to kick her out and hex her, but I knew you wouldn't have wanted that. I saw all the students, crying helplessy for the Headmaster they had lost.

_Please tell me baby.._

_How do I go on?_

_If you ever leave_

_Well baby you would take away everything _

_Need you with me_

_Baby don't you know that you're everything good in my life_

I will do my best to keep Hogwarts open. I will do it for you. And any students who wish to come back. I will stay strong. I will make you proud. I know that you will be. I will see you again one day. And I know you're always watching. It'll be difficult though. Running Hogwarts without you. I've just lost the thing that mattered most to me. But you'll always be in my heart. It saddened me that we had to keep our relationship a secret, but it was for the best I suppose.

_How do I live without you?_

_I want to know_

_How do I live without you_

_If you ever go?_

_How do I ever, ever survive?_

_How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?_

_How do I live without you_

_How do I live without you baby_

_How do I live_

But I know, that one day, the world will know that I loved Albus Dumbledore.

A/N I'm sorry if it seemed OOC. I tried my best. Also, sorry if it seems rushed. I kinda had to do this by the 18th of January because I'm going on holiday. But my computer hated me and now I'm posting in an internet cafe in Malaysia. So there you go, NY's Resolution No. 1, Fic No. 1.Hope you liked it! Read and review! Thank you!

Love,

SherbetKitty


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